OUR FAMILY IS COMPLETE BUT THE JOURNEY IS NEVER OVER!!!!!
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September 3, 2013: Alex and Nico are off at their first day of school (3rd and 1st grade, WHOA somebody poke me when did my babies get so big) and Jax is sleeping peacefully in his crib.
I have been so afraid to write this post, not sure how I would condense all the happenings and emotions of this beautiful Adoption journey we have been on into a single post or without boring you all to death. But here goes my friends.....
On July 2nd, 2013, Rob, Jaxton, and I stepped off a United plane in Grand Rapids, MI and completed our Binnns family of 5 (or as our dear friend Sarah Jung wrote on a sign...... Binns Party of 5, so funny loved it). It is hard to express the power of love, joy, and relief that I felt as Rob, Jax and I walked out to see our family and friends cheering for us and seeing the faces of Al and Nico and knowing that FINALLY the pain of waiting for Jax was over for all of us. I will never be able to put into words what that wait felt like but as many of you know and commented,when it was over the light came back into my eyes and the glow of joy took back over my face.
I will not tell you that the last 2 months of being at home with Jaxton have been perfect, because they haven't. But what family is perfect really and if someone thinks their is, maybe you are not looking deep enough. We have struggled with everyone finding their place again, trying to make every child feel the unending love that Rob and I have for them, health issues, and improving sleep routines (my mom often says "you are better off poking a sleeping bear in the bottom than deal with Holly Binns without sleep, SO TRUE). We have dealt with adjustment issues, Jaxton is such an extroverted child that he will go to anyone so we have had to monitor that. But 2 months later you can tell by the way he lights up when he looks at us, his mom, dad, and 2 brothers that HE IS HOME.
I cannot speak for Rob but I know that I have learned so much about myself, my husband, my children and God during this journey and for that I am FOREVER grateful. Here's what I have learned friends.....
1). My husband is my soulmate and bestfriend. When you endure a journey like this loving your husband more than you did before, it is a true testament to what wonderful man he is and how blessed I am to be his wife.
2). I am a greedy person, but I am working on that. I have been blessed to see what a beautiful country Ethiopia is and how beautiful Ethiopian people are inside and out. I learned that they are truly thankful for what little that they have and that they give to others first before taking for themselves, even when they may need it more. I can't tell you how much I hope to grow myself to be more like that. I think we can all learn from that philosophy and spend a bit more time worrying about how we can change this world for everyone, not just ourselves. I would be lying to all of you if I said I was cured of my greediness (Lord knows I love a new cute outfit ;)), but everyday I strive to be better and do better. I am someone who wants my friends and family to know that I love them for who they are, their wonderful spirits, loving personalities, and the way they make me belly laugh.....NOT FOR what they can give me monetarily or in stature.
3). God is a nudger and my faith in him is stronger. I don't know that God always has a set plan but I do know he does nudge us (I would say almost pushes a bit agressively, LOL :)). I know God gave us the nudge to adopt Jaxton and I am so glad we took him up on it. There were times when this 3 year journey felt crushing and cruel but in hindsight as I see my beautiful 1 year old son, playing with his brothers and I honestly feel like I gave birth to him myself, that my friends is a GIFT. Every step in this journey led us to Jax, between switching agencies and getting his referral when he did, he was meant for us.
Rob and I will always be grateful to Jaxton's biological parents for the gift they gave us, I know that his biological mother loved him enough to bring him into this world and into our arms and for that I am forever indebited to her. Never ever doubt that birth mothers loved their child to enough to give them life.
There were times when the pain of waiting was so great that I felt suffocated and remembered thinking why is God punishing us, when a very wise friend told me that God was weeping with me and that he wanted Jax home too. That comment has stuck with me and often directed me back to God to find the strength to keep up the fight for myself and my family. I am someone who has had to revisit my faith journey with God and I am thankful to say that through this process we are finding our way back together :).
Yet another God nudge, because of how our journey unfolded, we were able to stay at the Ordinary Hero Life Center on our last trip to bring Jaxton home. We were able to meet some amazing people who are doing GREAT things for the children and families in Ethiopia. I was someone who never thought I wanted to travel to a third world country but because of my experience with the people of Ordinary Hero and the amazing work they are doing for sponsoring children in Ethiopia to get them a better shot at life, I not only want and feel I need to go back but I am so excited to return to Ethiopia someday (hopefully sooner than later).
4). Alex and Nico are soooo incredibly strong and loving. There were so many times that Alex and Nico cried over missing and wanting Jaxton home (that my friends will break a mother's heart). But unselfishly, they would always pray to God and thank him for bringing other children to their forever families even when they were hurting so much to have their baby brother home. They persevered through the pain and trusted in God and that makes me so incredibly proud of them.
.....I find myself sobbing as I write this, I can be such a bawl baby.....LOL
5). Life is good. I can't tell you how many times I have thought why me...but now I am trying to look at things and say why not me :). I have been blessed friends, God has been so good to me. I am not the richest person monetarily but I would argue that I am definitely one of the most richly blessed people in this world and I think so many of us are and we fail to realize it. Again if you talk to me on a daily basis, I sometimes need to be reminded of this but hey like I said I am not perfect and I know God is not expecting me to be but I do think he wants me to keep working at it :).
If you or someone you know is considering adoption, it is worth every painful tear. I look forward to the years to come and see what else the Binns family has in store for them. Someone once asked us, "Do you think you can truly handle the trials of being an interracial family?". My response "With faith, fight, love, and the willingness to learn. And to the age old question, "Would your friends let their child date your child?". My response, "It would be their loss if they didn't!"
Wait I hear the waitress calling...... "Binns Party of 5" time to go. :)
.JPG)
I have been so afraid to write this post, not sure how I would condense all the happenings and emotions of this beautiful Adoption journey we have been on into a single post or without boring you all to death. But here goes my friends.....
On July 2nd, 2013, Rob, Jaxton, and I stepped off a United plane in Grand Rapids, MI and completed our Binnns family of 5 (or as our dear friend Sarah Jung wrote on a sign...... Binns Party of 5, so funny loved it). It is hard to express the power of love, joy, and relief that I felt as Rob, Jax and I walked out to see our family and friends cheering for us and seeing the faces of Al and Nico and knowing that FINALLY the pain of waiting for Jax was over for all of us. I will never be able to put into words what that wait felt like but as many of you know and commented,when it was over the light came back into my eyes and the glow of joy took back over my face.
I will not tell you that the last 2 months of being at home with Jaxton have been perfect, because they haven't. But what family is perfect really and if someone thinks their is, maybe you are not looking deep enough. We have struggled with everyone finding their place again, trying to make every child feel the unending love that Rob and I have for them, health issues, and improving sleep routines (my mom often says "you are better off poking a sleeping bear in the bottom than deal with Holly Binns without sleep, SO TRUE). We have dealt with adjustment issues, Jaxton is such an extroverted child that he will go to anyone so we have had to monitor that. But 2 months later you can tell by the way he lights up when he looks at us, his mom, dad, and 2 brothers that HE IS HOME.
I cannot speak for Rob but I know that I have learned so much about myself, my husband, my children and God during this journey and for that I am FOREVER grateful. Here's what I have learned friends.....
1). My husband is my soulmate and bestfriend. When you endure a journey like this loving your husband more than you did before, it is a true testament to what wonderful man he is and how blessed I am to be his wife.
2). I am a greedy person, but I am working on that. I have been blessed to see what a beautiful country Ethiopia is and how beautiful Ethiopian people are inside and out. I learned that they are truly thankful for what little that they have and that they give to others first before taking for themselves, even when they may need it more. I can't tell you how much I hope to grow myself to be more like that. I think we can all learn from that philosophy and spend a bit more time worrying about how we can change this world for everyone, not just ourselves. I would be lying to all of you if I said I was cured of my greediness (Lord knows I love a new cute outfit ;)), but everyday I strive to be better and do better. I am someone who wants my friends and family to know that I love them for who they are, their wonderful spirits, loving personalities, and the way they make me belly laugh.....NOT FOR what they can give me monetarily or in stature.
3). God is a nudger and my faith in him is stronger. I don't know that God always has a set plan but I do know he does nudge us (I would say almost pushes a bit agressively, LOL :)). I know God gave us the nudge to adopt Jaxton and I am so glad we took him up on it. There were times when this 3 year journey felt crushing and cruel but in hindsight as I see my beautiful 1 year old son, playing with his brothers and I honestly feel like I gave birth to him myself, that my friends is a GIFT. Every step in this journey led us to Jax, between switching agencies and getting his referral when he did, he was meant for us.
Rob and I will always be grateful to Jaxton's biological parents for the gift they gave us, I know that his biological mother loved him enough to bring him into this world and into our arms and for that I am forever indebited to her. Never ever doubt that birth mothers loved their child to enough to give them life.
There were times when the pain of waiting was so great that I felt suffocated and remembered thinking why is God punishing us, when a very wise friend told me that God was weeping with me and that he wanted Jax home too. That comment has stuck with me and often directed me back to God to find the strength to keep up the fight for myself and my family. I am someone who has had to revisit my faith journey with God and I am thankful to say that through this process we are finding our way back together :).
Yet another God nudge, because of how our journey unfolded, we were able to stay at the Ordinary Hero Life Center on our last trip to bring Jaxton home. We were able to meet some amazing people who are doing GREAT things for the children and families in Ethiopia. I was someone who never thought I wanted to travel to a third world country but because of my experience with the people of Ordinary Hero and the amazing work they are doing for sponsoring children in Ethiopia to get them a better shot at life, I not only want and feel I need to go back but I am so excited to return to Ethiopia someday (hopefully sooner than later).
4). Alex and Nico are soooo incredibly strong and loving. There were so many times that Alex and Nico cried over missing and wanting Jaxton home (that my friends will break a mother's heart). But unselfishly, they would always pray to God and thank him for bringing other children to their forever families even when they were hurting so much to have their baby brother home. They persevered through the pain and trusted in God and that makes me so incredibly proud of them.
.....I find myself sobbing as I write this, I can be such a bawl baby.....LOL
5). Life is good. I can't tell you how many times I have thought why me...but now I am trying to look at things and say why not me :). I have been blessed friends, God has been so good to me. I am not the richest person monetarily but I would argue that I am definitely one of the most richly blessed people in this world and I think so many of us are and we fail to realize it. Again if you talk to me on a daily basis, I sometimes need to be reminded of this but hey like I said I am not perfect and I know God is not expecting me to be but I do think he wants me to keep working at it :).
If you or someone you know is considering adoption, it is worth every painful tear. I look forward to the years to come and see what else the Binns family has in store for them. Someone once asked us, "Do you think you can truly handle the trials of being an interracial family?". My response "With faith, fight, love, and the willingness to learn. And to the age old question, "Would your friends let their child date your child?". My response, "It would be their loss if they didn't!"
Wait I hear the waitress calling...... "Binns Party of 5" time to go. :)
